Still fat yo!

Still fat and still actively finding excuses for it, yet still unmotivated. Despite being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Yet I knew that was going to happen years ago in fact and still I carried I with my excessive lifestyle of carbs and sedentary sitting.  I'm on the chia seeds that curb your hunger, I actually went through a non eating phase before New Years. Thanks to be crook as with diarrhoea that the thought of consuming anything scared me. Today I'm not closer to my weight goals, which are not in the scales department. But the clothes department. When I'm able to fit into a size down, I'm winning. How I get there is the question! I also started smoking and I've applied to have public funded Bariatric surgery, which I'm still waiting for confirmation of. I don't care if it's the cheats way, at my age this exercise stuff feels berating. In a small town where judgement rules, I would rather stay indoors. Death is possible, I'm not going to rule that out.